I saw things I did not want to see

 

I worked part-time in a Nursing Home for five years. This after working in the media for thirty. Needless to say it was a massive eye opener.

I wrote this one day around 2016.

There are things, worse than death

 

I contemplate my death

One more time

Too many, to be natural

As the sun dies

And the birds retire

And my gut aches again

Something I’m not sure of

And I know something gets us all

But I hope it’s not that.

A sudden head slump

Heart attack please

No extras

Just make it quick.

 

Ah I’m sorry sir

But that’s our most requested

And there’s no guarantee of delivery

 

I’ll have it sooner

Rather than later, I say.

 

I don’t mind the rush

As long as I don’t end up

With a P.O.W. type frame

Shitting my medically

Administered lunch

As that seems to be against nature

An aberration

And no one wants to go out

As a ‘freak’ of nature

A display too terrible

To lay eyes upon.

 

If we knew

How’d it be

We’d take matter into our own hands

While we still had the power to use them.

 

Instead, we take the gamble

And watch the lights dim

Hoping the night doesn’t deliver

A nightmare

Too terrible to be real.

 

From a Natural News article about Norwegian Homes, 2017

Clearly not everyone ends up in a Home and not all of them are like this. The point being, if you knew that you would end up this way, you'd take matters into your own hands.

Ironically, both of my Grandmother's ended up in Nursing Homes (last resort of course), and both died within two weeks. Neither wanted to be there. The mind is powerful. You can will yourself to die. I said this when my Grandmother went in this year, as she had stated she'd had enough. She died a week later. I also witnessed it multiple times in my work. 

Both of my Grandfathers did not end up in homes. Both also died quite suddenly, albeit thirty years apart. 

I'm sure you've got your own personal story. Please feel free to share if you wish. 

Peace

(And love to my dear Grandparents, Vinnie and Carmel, Stan and Nell. All beautiful, strong people).

A.J. Langford Books