It follows me around like a shadow. Does it follow you?

 

Edvard Munch - Melancholy (1894)

Like you, I have my good days and bad. Melancholy and anxiety has followed me around all my life, and sometimes I stop to document it. It's a form of therapy. 

I do think it's getting harder to deal with. The last twelve months have been pretty serious. (Certain thoughts). I haven't written for months now. The struggle is very real. It's daily. I am grateful however, for my good physical health and that I'm still here. And that there are those who care about me. Some have no one. I don't know how they keep going. 

This was written four and a half years ago.

Anchored

 

I scratch at the air

Which chokes me

Tar like shadows

Heaving at my legs

And I’m sinking

Ever sinking

The surface

No longer a memory

Merely an idea

Out of reach.

 

A heaving, cloying pit

With no end

No solace

Only the deep rejection

and ill formed assumptions

Like death

A new but darkened existence.

Perhaps I died already

And remain slowly dragging

Through self-aware muck

To catch up.

 

2020

I've actually done well to have stuck it out for so long. 

Have you had long periods of depression or anxiety? Are you in a better place now? How did you get through it? I've done so much reading, watching and speaking to mental health people, but I'm still battling so I'm always open to listen. 

A.J. Langford Books

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