Fat shaming has to end.
Part Two of Two
(Part One here).
Why is there many more obese people than ever before
I hear you say with your pointed, condescending finger? Because there’s so
many phones and computers now. Did we make them? No. Maybe Apple should pay for
diet programs. It’s mostly their fault anyway. Not that I’d go on a diet. They’re
just out to make money out of you. I won’t give those criminals a cent!
Besides, they don’t work. It’s a rort!
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| See? She's miserable. |
Also exercise sucks. Who enjoys it? It’s a killer!
Plus it’s boring. I’ve got far more important things to do. Did you know that
exercise can be very hard on the heart? Plenty of folks have died while riding
a bike. And driving on roads is purely suicidal! (Not that I drive anymore. I
have trouble getting comfortable behind the wheel. Too cramped in there. Ridiculous!)
Jogging is bad too. It’s really terrible for the joints! Ask any fifty year old jogger! I know this exercise freak who has arthritis in his leg and he’s only thirty nine! Plus, he’s had two hip replacements. Two! (Actually he may be forty nine. Or is he fifty nine? I forget). Anyway, exercise is way overrated. They didn’t have gyms a thousand years ago did they, and they survived just fine!
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| Chillaxing. No gyms. No fat! |
Don’t believe everything the media tells you.
History has proven that they’ve been lying to us, the public, forever, because
they want to control us. Don’t be fooled. Don’t be intimidated. Be proud. Be
fat. Nobody lives forever anyway. I know we can change society’s attitude if we
stand up and unite. And I know there’s plenty of us out there because I see
heaps of fat, um, plus-size people everywhere! We can do it! (I’m a rebel by nature).
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| Sure it's embarrassing, but at least it's still one fare! |
I will never pay for an extra seat on a plane for
instance. I am not two people. One heart. One person. I don't care if you need six arms to wrap around me, I'm one! Get over it!
I don’t care if my bones won’t
support my weight after I’m sixty five or even sixty. I like sitting on the
couch. (I love reality TV). And if I get diabetes or have kidney failure or
liver failure or a heart attack, then I will adopt I take that line from the
movie Starship Troopers just before the troops go into battle against the space
bugs. “Come on you apes! Do you wanna live forever?”
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| Fact: Plus size people more likely to survive an accident or alien attack. All that extra organ protection! |
Written by a friend who wishes to remain anonymous.
Part One here.
More Satire Bytes.
Laughed at the circular logic of the first paragraph. Yep, there is always an excuse not to lose weight. Fat people should he showed the dividing line between seats on a plane or train and told to keep within them, or suffer my elbows into their ribs. And I have skinny pointed elbows. One thing I am happy about, after being an overweight kid and young adult, I took up exercise and now know what it is like to feel relatively fit, sadly many people in Australia will never know that feeling. I appreciated the sarcastic humour of your mystery writer's part two.
ReplyDeleteGreat to hear that youve been exercising those elbows Graham! Thanks for commenting. I'm sure the anonymous writer appreciates it!
DeleteGreat part 2 - love "Anyway, exercise is way overrated. They didn’t have gyms a thousand years ago did they, and they survived just fine!" - my sentiment entirely!!! I guess the point being I can probably afford to have that attitude, I guess I am lucky - agree with Graham if only more Australians took up the challenge of exercise and importantly - stopped putting so much into their body - it is a simple equation - less in leads to less on.
ReplyDelete"less in, less on." I like that. Kind of like Wax On, Wax Off. Could be a new tshirt slogan!
Delete"Be proud. Be fat." All the more to love, right?
ReplyDeleteAnthony, I am almost crying, I'm laughing so hard, as I devour my second huge chocolate covered pancake. It's divine, and I'm proudly enhancing my belly, thighs and boobies in the process. It's a double-whammy.
xo