The trials of life

 

Hi you beautiful human being,

How's life in general? 
(As my dear old Pop used to say).

Art by Kathy Schifferer - katyschifferer.com/2018/04/13/catching-stars/

A poem from 2009 when I first began writing poetry regularly. I was using capitals a lot, for some reason I can't recall.

Never been published so here it is. Peace

The Reaching

 

 

When the last of Starlight

Dwindles

The Glow

Flickering from View.

 

And You Reach Out

To Savour its Dying Whisper

The Meaning

Only You Can Comprehend.

 

Will its Wisdom

Enter Reasoning

Fill You with the Promise

That You Knew

Existed

Illuminating

Those bashful Hopes

Igniting

A Beacon

A Breakthrough!

 

Towards the End of Slumber

It's Time for the Awakening

That You Always knew would Come

Embrace it

Open like a Birth

A Thousand Pinpoints of Colour

Firing Your Every Core

Here It Comes

Like a Drug

You Always knew there was More.

 

The Expectation

The Trek Liberates

Guiding

Eyes Awake

An Arousal for Knowledge

The Lust is the Mandate

Maintains the Triggers

Firing

All Cylinders

Yet the Barrel is not Straight.

 

Dead Ends

Pathways Curve

Disappointment Is Kept

One Answer

Erupts Two Questions

Is this really the Score?

The Track is Layered

With the Faulty Steps

Of Those who came Before

Though Yours are unique

Ignore the Examples

To ascend a Peak

Is to Challenge Pain of Doubt

Persistence

Solidify

Harden those Questions

Is that not Easier?

 

Release

Is All we Seek

A Short Flight

for this cornered Bird

A tenuous Peace

For One so Bleak

In Preference to...

None at All.

 

You May not Approve

Where You Conclude

The Person You Had to Become

Unfashionable Worship

If Only to Ponder

At the Final Stroke

And discover the Answer;

The Inner Sanctum.

 

It was Written

In the Struggle

Of the Tiresome Trail

And Trials.

To have found Solace

At the Last

In the Letting Go.

 

 

 

One of my early ones before I entered into a heavy writing phase. 

What did you think?

I still write poetry, albeit not often. I'd like to write more. Health plays a part. 

Website - Books, videos, short films, free downloads

https://anthonyjlangford.wixsite.com/writer

AJL Facebook Author Page

AJL YouTube Channel

Dunny Duel (Battle of the Bogger)

 

Dunny Duel

Time for some (toilet) humour! 

A Real Warrior Moment

Watch 30sec video HERE

I made this in May '26. Suffice to say, the battle rages on...

...for us all. 

😃

Peace to you my friend. 

Thank you for being here.

Anthony

 

AJL Facebook Author Page

AJL YouTube Channel

Website - Books, videos, short films, free downloads

https://anthonyjlangford.wixsite.com/writer

It only matters what you think

 

Misunderstood?

Lost?    Searching?

Self-esteem low?

Watch my YouTube Short HERE

Let me know how you feel about this.

I made it early 2026. Certainly easier to give advice than live by it.

Peace to you my friend. 

Thank you for being here.

Anthony

 

AJL Facebook Author Page

AJL YouTube Channel

Website - Books, videos, short films, free downloads

https://anthonyjlangford.wixsite.com/writer

I've never felt like this in my life. (Will I regret posting this?)

 

I've never felt like this before.

You think you know it all... until you don't.

(trigger warning)

Sometimes life hits you in the guts, when you least expect it.

The below was written in May, 2024. I've come a long way since. I'm so grateful for my life now. Warning, it's pretty dire to read. Yet, I meant every word. Living it daily was hell.

It also took me a long time to get past it. Worst two years of my life. It was very scary and has returned somewhat in the past couple of months, thankfully not as extreme. Prolonged emotional stress made an impact. Too much, too soon.

(July '26 update; I drafted this post in February 2026. I had four good months, then a steady decline from March until where I'm at now. Not quite back in the worst of it but in a pretty bad place. Fuck it, I'm sharing it anyway).

Pained Firsts

 

I don’t want to sound so extreme

It’s how it is

And must be said.

 

I have never felt more trapped

I have never felt more suffocated

I have never felt so helpless

I have never felt so miserable

I have never felt so alone

I have never felt so damned

No matter the decisions.

 

I have never felt so uninterested

In all things

That once provided joy

I have never felt

That the future

Held nothing for me

I have never felt such a pull towards death

I have never felt

That there was no-one to live for

Despite my wish

Not to hurt them.

 

I have never felt

That each day

Was a gruelling endurance test

With only sporadic minutes

Of respite.

 

I rarely write poetry

Completely sober

This is that rarity

Which is why it’s so honest 

And frightening.

 

I wish someone would cut me loose

Before I do it myself.

 

1 a.m.

10.5.24

A lot of this is because of severe anti-depressant withdrawal, (story here) meaning my coping mechanisms were very low. So in a time of high stress, my nervous system basically collapsed. It thought I was constantly in danger and I was in constant fight or flight mode. Not just mental. Very physical too. I was shutting down. I coudln't sleep more than 5 hrs a night. I couldnt rest. Couldn't see a way out. I get why people 'un-alive' themselves. I thought about it a lot. Often daily. I had plans. I feel lucky that I did get out of it. I just have to maintain a peaceful life as possible. 

Depression, anxiety etc come to many at some point to some degree or other. Part of life. But throwing in a drug that messes with your brain into the mix makes it a nightmare. There were other factors too that I won't go into here. 

I've always had anxiety, since a child and had periodic panic attacks (many think they know what they are but have never actually had one. Being panicky is not the same as the terror filled adrendline that pumps through your body. You feel like you're dying). Essentially now, I have a panic disorder. It makes the most basic of living, difficult. A quiet day off at home can be a nightmare. My brain won't shut off catasptrophic thinking. Living in fear. Trapped. My body is in fight or flight mode, making it impossible to relax. Impossible to control my thoughts.

I know this is way too much information. I''m sure most haven't read this far. Everyone is focused on their own thing. You find these things out in time of crisis. Who is there and who isnt.

I leave this more of a record. Incase something happens. I don't kid myself that I'm 'raising awareness'. I'm really just sharing a poem with you. And hope that one day, my daughter (now 15) may find some interest in it.

Peace to you.

Anthony

 

Website - Books, videos, short films, free downloads

https://anthonyjlangford.wixsite.com/writer

AJL Facebook Author Page

AJL YouTube Channel

Once thriving, now empty - The Haunted Town

Once thriving, now empty.

The Disappeared Town of

 Cosgrove

What happened to it? 

I drove past the site in early 2026 on a stinking hot day.
I turned around and went back to see what this mysterious plaque
in the middle of nowhere was.

 Watch YouTube Short   HERE

It was blustery and unbeknownst to me,
a small particle of wheat blew into my eye. 

Long story short, it took a week before they found it. 
Very painful. 
Maybe a ghost didn't like me being there!

Please visit;

Anthony J. Langford Books | Australian writer 

Website - Books, videos, short films, free downloads

AJL Facebook Author Page

AJL YouTube Channel

Most controversial film of the year is a hit, but is it dangerous?

 

Is it racist? 

Does it incite violence?

Watch my 1 minute summary HERE

What do you think?

Anthony J. Langford Books | Australian writer

Murder Mystery - In the Bush. Not one, but two deaths.

I came across this story a few months ago. When I was out in the bush, took a shot so I could turn it into a brief video.  

A True Story

How's life in general?

Something very different for you this time.

Murder Mystery

Watch HERE

Any theory's?

Website - Books, videos, short films, free downloads

https://anthonyjlangford.wixsite.com/writer

AJL Facebook Author Page

AJL YouTube Channel

Peace

Anthony

What do you do when you feel this way?

 

Hey,

How's things in general?

I saw this and it made me ask...

 Watch YouTube Short here. 

Have you found yourself in this situation? 

What did you do? 

Personally I have had a lot of mental health struggles (and find myself again in that situation unfortunately, after doing so well this year) so I'm always curious to know how other people get through it. 

I would really like to hear your opinion.

Website - Books, videos, short films, free downloads

https://anthonyjlangford.wixsite.com/writer

AJL Facebook Author Page

AJL YouTube Channel

Until we meet again dear friend

Peace

Anthony