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It follows me around like a shadow. Does it follow you?

 

Edvard Munch - Melancholy (1894)


Like you, I have my good days and bad. Melancholy and anxiety has followed me around all my life, and sometimes I stop to document it. It's a form of therapy. 

I do think it's getting harder to deal with. The last twelve months have been pretty serious. (Certain thoughts). I haven't written for months now. The struggle is very real. It's daily. I am grateful however, for my good physical health and that I'm still here. And that there are those who care about me. Some have no one. I don't know how they keep going. 


This was written four and a half years ago.



Anchored

 

I scratch at the air

Which chokes me

Tar like shadows

Heaving at my legs

And I’m sinking

Ever sinking

The surface

No longer a memory

Merely an idea

Out of reach.

 

A heaving, cloying pit

With no end

No solace

Only the deep rejection

and ill formed assumptions

Like death

A new but darkened existence.


Perhaps I died already

And remain slowly dragging

Through self-aware muck

To catch up.

 

2020




I've actually done well to have stuck it out for so long. 

Have you had long periods of depression or anxiety? Are you in a better place now? How did you get through it? I've done so much reading, watching and speaking to mental health people, but I'm still battling so I'm always open to listen. 


A.J. Langford Books


More Poems






The Night We Should Have Died - A True Story

 

We Should Have Died




I was 17. And about to go through an experience I'd never forget, nor wish to relive.


This audio/visual story is taken from the book Us and Them and the things in-between and is 100% true. It was written some years ago, and was dusted off for the 2022 book. It happened in the 80's.





You Watch or simply Listen on YouTube HERE




'Andrew' (not his real name), tragically took his own life five years later. It was a drunken act in the spur of the moment. I never believed that he meant to. I saw 'Lenny' quite a lot over the next couple of years and a few times over the next ten, then we also drifted apart. I know nothing of his or 'Bruce's' life. Darren and I are still in contact.


I'd really love to hear your thoughts. Have you been through a similar life changing incident?



Representative only. Not a photo from the event



More Audio Stories







A.J. Langford Books



Until next time,

Peace

Anthony




There goes a friend. Was it worth it?

 

Online ranters ain't what they used to be. 

Or is it just that I've 'cleaned out' the perpetually outraged?

Comments sections on public posts probably prove that nothing has changed. 





Ramble with bite

 

I never stopped questioning

Or challenging the status quo

(No matter the political divide)

Yet its relevance

Externally

Had no impact

Other than an occasional argument

With another non-entity.

 

Which draws the conclusion

That it’s pointless

Mere ego stretching

Achieving nothing

For some it bolsters self-importance

Worth the price of admission

Though most believe it matters

And is worth losing control

And even friendships over.

 

Finding the like minded

Is merely a collection of mirrors

Patting themselves on the back.

 

Millenia old

Never to change

Irrelevant opinion

Holds too much sway.

 

The Grandiosity of One

Raises some

Undoes many.

 

 

30.10.23   8.30 pm –  edit 22.1.24




What's your experience with arguing a point or shouting your opinion or having someone shout theirs at you? We all see comments that piss us off but is it worth our time engaging?

Any thoughts on any of these issues, I'd love to hear. Just please don't shout. 😉






The Eighth Wonder of the World - Incredible! (Last in this Series)

 

 Eighth Wonder of the World

There are a few considered for the title.
Four are listed here. They are constructions rather than natural wonders.

Pre-1900 creations





Part Eight


The Taj Mahal


The Taj Mahal  'Crown of the Palace') is an ivory-white marble mausoleum on the bank of the river Yamuna in AgraUttar Pradesh, India. It was commissioned in 1631 by the fifth Mughal emperorShah Jahan (r. 1628–1658) to house the tomb of his beloved wife, Mumtaz Mahal; it also houses the tomb of Shah Jahan himself. The tomb is the centrepiece of a 17-hectare (42-acre) complex, which includes a mosque and a guest house, and is set in formal gardens bounded on three sides by a crenellated wall.

Construction of the mausoleum was completed in 1648, but work continued on other phases of the project for another five years. 




There are many myths surrounding it, including that it was actually built in the 12th century. That it was designed by a Frenchman, another claims a Spaniard, an Italian and another by a Hindu King. No concrete evidence exists for claims that describe, often in horrific detail, the deaths, dismemberment and mutilations which Shah Jahan supposedly inflicted on various architects and craftsmen associated with the tomb.



Photo - Muhammad Mahdi Karim - Own work, GFDL 1.2, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=23199927


The Taj Mahal is a major tourist attraction and attracts approximately five million visitors a year.






                                                    The Terracotta Army

The Terracotta Army is a collection of terracotta sculptures depicting the armies of Qin Shi Huang, the first emperor of China. It is a form of funerary art buried with the emperor in 210–209 BCE with the purpose of protecting him in his afterlife.

The figures, dating from approximately the late 200s BCE, were discovered in 1974 by local farmers.


GFDL, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=2103826


The figures vary in height according to their rank, the tallest being the generals. The figures include warriors, chariots and horses. Estimates from 2007 were that the three pits containing the Terracotta Army hold more than 8,000 soldiers, 130 chariots with 520 horses, and 150 cavalry horses. Other, non-military figures have since been found in other pits, including those of officials, acrobats, strongmen, and musicians.


By kevinmcgill from Den Bosch, Netherlands - KAM_5048, CC BY-SA 2.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=31690639




                                                        The Thames Tunnel


The Thames Tunnel is a tunnel beneath the River Thames in London, connecting Rotherhithe and Wapping. It measures 35 ft (11 m) wide by 20 ft (6.1 m) high and is 1,300 ft (400 m) long, running at a depth of 75 ft (23 m) below the river surface measured at high tide. It is the first tunnel known to have been constructed successfully underneath a navigable river. It was built between 1825 and 1843 by Marc Brunel, and his son, Isambard.





 
The tunnel was originally designed for horse-drawn carriages, but was mainly used by pedestrians and became a tourist attraction. In 1869 it was converted into a railway tunnel.


By Lars Plougmann from United States - Thames Tunnel walk, CC BY-SA 2.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=11606054




Previous entries HERE



Bonus - One more for the simple thrill of it. This is the Victoria Bridge in Montreal, Canada. It opened in 1859 and spans the St. Lawrence River. 

Human beings can be quite amazing afterall!


Photo 1901



This is the last in this series. I hope you enjoyed them. 

Peace
Anthony



Best Songs of 2024 - Fkn Awesome

 

Moncrieff



Here is the YouTube playlist for the Best Songs of 2024


You will recognise some big newish names like James Arthur, Chappell Roan and Lola Young, other new artists you've never heard of like Twin Atlantic and Ian Yates (many don't get the views of the big name acts but whose music I think outweighs the generic blandness of 'artists' like Bille Ellish). And some old school artists are also back with great new music such as Bananarama, Pearl Jam, Kim Wilde and Shed Seven


Give it a listen. There's so many great tracks to enjoy. Awesome for playing around the house while you're doing other things or just relaxing. There's no hurry either so take months if need be but give it a go and you'll discover some real gems.


Sea Girls


Throughout the year I listen to thousands of new songs. 


The ones I like I will download and listen to them several times before making a decision whether to 'keep' them or not. I do these in monthly folders. The ones that make the cut per se, will be burnt to a CD to listen to in my car. Some months I will make only one CD, others two or three. At the end of the year I go through and select the Best out of those in the folders. In other words, from 378 songs that I selected this year (for every one, I would have listened to 20), I selected 68 for this Playlist. 


Older profile image for this site



A.J. Langford Books


May 2025 bring you happiness. Failing that, good health and some peace. Never underestimate the last two. I value them now more than anything.



Author photo from 2012



2024 was the worst fkng year of my life. (Mental health).
I pray it gets better but know it could yet be worse.
So trying to practice gratitude for those good moments.






Thank you

 

Happy Christmas - Wherever you are in life, may you find some peace. If not, joy at this time.

In Space, No One can Hear Your Sleigh

It's not always great for everyone. Especially as we age and lose people and our health. If not, remember the times that were good. There were many.

Thank you for your support this year, those few who have interacted with this site and me. 

Thank you. 

May the year to come be a good one for you. 

Peace

Anthony


A.J. Langford Books







Oh God, they're at it again... His n Hers - A Video

 

'It's your fault!'


It's the age old argument. Literally and figuratively. 



I wrote this in November, 2014, exactly a decade ago. I made the video in 2022. Time to share it with you. Nice and short. Love to hear your thoughts.


Watch on YouTube HERE



Please consider one of my books. All are on sale. From my first novel, Lone Wolf World, to story and poetry collections, there's something for everyone. 


A.J. Langford Books














A.J. Langford Books


What did you think? 

Let me know. 

Or don't 😼- I'm not taking it down. No matter what people say. Nope. Not even with begging. 

Okay, maybe a little begging will earn a consideration... 😉

He died far too young. Famous After Death - But not in name



Famous After Death

John William Polidori


John William Polidori was an author and a doctor. He died aged only 25.

He was born on 7 September 1795 in London and received his degree as a doctor of medicine on 1 August 1815, aged just 19.

The following year, Dr. Polidori entered Lord Byron's service as his personal physician and accompanied him on a trip through Europe. Publisher John Murray offered Polidori 500 English pounds to keep a diary of their travels. Polidori's nephew William Michael Rossetti later edited them. At the Villa Diodati, a house Byron rented by Lake Geneva in Switzerland, the pair met with Mary Wollstonecraft Godwin, her husband-to-be, Percy Bysshe Shelley, and their companion (Mary's stepsister) Claire Clairmont.

Frontispiece from the original German version of Fantasmagoriana.




One now famous June night they read aloud from Fantasmagoriana, a French collection of German horror tales. Byron suggested they each write a ghost story. Percy Bysshe Shelley wrote 'A Fragment of a Ghost Story' and wrote down five ghost stories recounted by Matthew Gregory "Monk" Lewis, published posthumously as the Journal at Geneva (including ghost stories) and on return to England, 1816, the journal entries. 


Mary Shelley worked on a story with her husband that would later become Frankenstein. Byron wrote but quickly abandoned, a fragment of a story, 'A Fragment', featuring a character called Augustus Darvell. Polidori later used this as the basis for his own story, 'The Vampyre', the first published modern vampire story.

Polidori's conversation with Percy Bysshe Shelley on 15 June 1816 is regarded as the origin of Frankenstein. They discussed 'the nature of the principle of life.'  'Shelley and I had a conversation about principles - whether man was to be thought merely an instrument.'


 


Dismissed by Byron, Polidori traveled in Italy and then returned to England. His story, 'The Vampyre', which featured the main character Lord Ruthven, was published in the April 1819 issue of New Monthly Magazine without his permission. Much to both his and Byron's annoyance, 'The Vampyre' was released as a new work by Byron. Byron's own vampire story 'Fragment of a Novel' or 'A Fragment' was published in 1819 in an attempt to clear up the confusion, but 'The Vampyre' continued to be attributed to him.
Polidori's long, Byron-influenced theological poem The Fall of the Angels was published anonymously in 1821.

Polidori, weighed down by depression and gambling debts, died in London on 24 August 1821. Despite strong evidence that he committed suicide by means of prussic acid, the coroner concluded that he had died by natural causes.

 



Other people who became Famous After Death